Currently listening to kelhani – Distraction
Hi Loves! Happy Sunday,How are you guys today? i’v never mentioned this on the blog and I don’t know why but I once wrote an article for beautygeekng it was on their instagram and website here.Fast forward to a couple of months later, they emailed me to write for them again, unbelievable right? Anyway i’m super excited and also down with malaria but that won’t stop today’s post which is about *drum roll* MUMS
Mums are the light of our lives and the pain in our asses to be honest. So I decided to do this post when I gave my mum the ‘i’m not a kid anymore’ line..but let’s just say, I shouldn’t have and then I remembered other things too and tagged them as the things you should never say to any Nigerian mum.
I’m not a kid any more
I told my mum this one time, but I was grateful it was over the phone she went from sweet mum to mumzilla straight up. She told me to come and pack my things from her house( which is technically my father’s house) immediately, she told me how i’m ungrateful and how I don’t know how to appreciate her effort and made a huge fuss and even hung up
Leave me alone
OK o,you will be left alone and you should be ready to leave every meal alone. You’d starve to death. Even if she’s wrong you have no right .Has anyone noticed that it is the day you offend your mum she’ll cook something nice and feed your siblings till they blow up
i’m not going to get married
Haha! The king of them all..this one ehn!just expect a dirty slap accompanied with cry and a one-week deliverance, Let’s not forget fasting and prayer and! General Family meeting.
Shut Up
Just the thought of this one makes me laugh, I don’t know why anyone would ever want to say this cuz it’s automatic death, if you run to you neighbours house while she tries to beat you and they ask what happened if you mention it again, they’ll personally drag you there to be crucified.
I like daddy more
Best thing for you just keep this to yourself ,and if she knows just get to begging, call everyone you know to beg for you cause when she starts to drop the ‘dont worry’ ‘don’t enter my kitchen’ ‘your father will feed you’ ‘go and meet your father to buy the pen for you’ lines. You are just in soup
Can’t understand what i’m saying
You’re not even allowed to say this even if you’ve thought her how to change whatsapp dp or upload instagram pictures a million and one times
Stop sending me broadcasts on whatsapp
I once said this to my mum, til this day she never stops referring to it.i should have just kept quiet and enjoyed the broadcasts. She gave me the ‘it’s not your fault’ ‘I’ll send it to other children that will read it with joy’ and the ‘you don’t know the value of what you have until you lose it’ lines, just because of whatsapp broadcasts
2nd position isn’t that bad
You’ll explain why you can’t come 1st right after she asks you if the person who came first has extra 500heads. If God is on your side you can play around but if not my dear, you’ll start reading for next session that day. And then you’ll tell her ‘what of the people that came last’, she’d slap you so hard, your ancestors will feel it.
I have a boyfriend
Interpretation: prostitute..if your mum finds out about this one ehn, she’d call the whole family for an emergency meeting unfailingly the next morning, they’ll preach,pray,talk,yell, scream and they beg you not to let any man lie to you..sigh.
Where should I put it
Loool this one is the legendary question and ‘put it on my head’ answer..i don’t get why they can’t just say put it on the floor or the table
Bonus:Days when my mum would call me from upstairs to bring the TV remote infront of her
Do you know anymore things you shouldnt say to a nigerian mum?
Do share in the comment section
Until next Time
Love,
