Things You Should Never Say To Your Nigerian Mum

Currently listening to kelhani – Distraction 


Hi Loves! Happy Sunday,How are you guys today? i’v never mentioned this on the blog and I don’t know why but I once wrote an article for beautygeekng it was on their instagram and website here.Fast forward to a couple of months later, they emailed me to write for them again, unbelievable right? Anyway i’m super excited and also down with malaria but that won’t stop today’s post which is about *drum roll* MUMS

Mums are the light of our lives and the pain in our asses to be honest. So I decided to do this post when I gave my mum the ‘i’m not a kid anymore’ line..but let’s just say, I shouldn’t have and then I remembered other things too and tagged them as the things you should never say to any Nigerian mum. 

I’m not a kid any more

I told my mum this one time, but I was grateful it was over the phone she went from sweet mum to mumzilla straight up. She told me to come and pack my things from her house( which is technically my father’s house) immediately, she told me how i’m ungrateful and how I don’t know how to appreciate her effort and made a huge fuss and even hung up

Leave me alone

​   

 OK o,you will be left alone and you should be ready to leave every meal alone. You’d starve to death. Even if she’s wrong you have no right .Has anyone noticed that it is the day you offend your mum she’ll cook something nice and feed your siblings till they blow up

i’m not going to get married


Haha! The king of them all..this one ehn!just expect a dirty slap accompanied with cry and a one-week deliverance, Let’s not forget fasting and prayer and! General Family meeting.

Shut Up

Just the thought of this one makes me laugh, I don’t know why anyone would ever want to say this cuz it’s automatic death, if you run to you neighbours house while she tries to beat you and they ask what happened if you mention it again, they’ll personally drag you there to be crucified.

I like daddy more

Best thing for you just keep this to yourself ,and if she knows just get to begging, call everyone you know to beg for you cause when she starts to drop the ‘dont worry’ ‘don’t enter my kitchen’ ‘your father will feed you’ ‘go and meet your father to buy the pen for you’ lines. You are just in soup

Can’t understand what i’m saying

You’re not even allowed to say this even if you’ve thought her how to change whatsapp dp or upload instagram pictures a million and one times

Stop sending me broadcasts on whatsapp

I once said this to my mum, til this day she never stops referring to it.i should have just kept quiet and enjoyed the broadcasts. She gave me the ‘it’s not your fault’ ‘I’ll send it to other children that will read it with joy’ and the ‘you don’t know the value of what you have until you lose it’ lines, just because of whatsapp broadcasts

2nd position isn’t that bad 

You’ll explain why you can’t come 1st right after she asks you if the person who came first has extra 500heads. If God is on your side you can play around but if not my dear, you’ll start reading for next session that day. And then you’ll tell her ‘what of the people that came last’, she’d slap you so hard, your ancestors will feel it.

I have a boyfriend 


Interpretation: prostitute..if your mum finds out about this one ehn, she’d call the whole family for an emergency meeting unfailingly the next morning, they’ll preach,pray,talk,yell, scream and they beg you not to let any man lie to you..sigh.
Where should I put it

Loool this one is the legendary question and ‘put it on my head’ answer..i don’t get why they can’t just say put it on the floor or the table

Bonus:Days when my mum would call me from upstairs to bring the TV remote infront of her

 Do you know anymore things you shouldnt say to a nigerian mum?

Do share in the comment section

 Until next Time

              Love, 

Ramadan 101 || Do’s and Don’ts of the Holy Month

Currently Listening To..nothing actually i have my ear phones plugged in but i’m not Iistening to anything besides the ‘click’sound of my keyboard 


Hi beauties, welcome to another blog post so today is going to be quite different..also I feel the need to do this, i’m sure no one can tell i’m Muslim..well I am, I try not to be controversial or all judge-y better yet i’ll just be quiet..but Ramadan is in a few days and i’m not readyyy *tears*..lol I don’t think anyone is but regardless i’ll like to remind everyone the do’s and don’ts of the holy month as I recently learnt too. 

​​

Do

Rushing to breaking the fast as soon as one is certain that sunset has commenced is recommended.

Break time: When it’s time for Maghreb prayer, break your fast on water, a few dates, or fruit juice, before praying Maghreb. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “People will always be at ease, as long as they haste to do Iftar [breaking fast when it is time for Maghreb].
At the time when you break your fast on that first sweet date, remember to make a supplication, to ask Allah for what you desire: Paradise, forgiveness, pardon, health, and wealth. 

Eat  Sahoor: Muslims are usually advised to eat the Sahoor or pre-dawn meal. The later in the night the better. Sahoor can be a light snack, such as a glass of milk and a few dates, a banana, or a cheese sandwich. Do eat Sahoor every night because this small meal gives the body important nourishment which will help one endure the long fast without experiencing physical weakness. The Prophet (PBUH) did say, “Have Sahoor for verily there is blessing in it.”


Do Good: In Ramadan, choose the best deeds, the recommended acts that you may have neglected throughout the year, and spread goodness. You can gain rewards by spending more time with your parents, visiting relatives, helping anyone in need whether it is through charity or by helping take care of problems he/she may be facing. The fasting person is like a fragrant rose; his pleasantness is sensed by and extended to those around him.

Feed others: Feeding others when it is time to break the fast, as Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “He who gives food for a fasting person to break his fast, will receive the same reward for fasting, except that nothing will be reduced from the fasting person’s rewards

Dont

1. Avoid drinking, smoking, and having sexual relations.
2. Abstain from blood cupping, blood withdrawal, and using ear drops or inhalers while fasting.
3. Do not listen to music rather occupy your heart with supplication, remembrance of Allah, and the Holy Qur’an.
4. Avoid wasting your time.


5. Abstain from idle talk, gossip, lying, quarreling, cursing, and anything that can be hurtful to someone else. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever does not give up false speech and acting upon it, Allah has no need of him giving up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari)
6. Do not over eat while breaking your fast.

7. Do not keep malice or hold grudges
Until Next Time.

         Love,


One Act To Look Out for in 2017||Bollylomo.


Gbolahan Olatunde AKA Bollylomo is a media personality who made himself on snap chat and through ‘KEEK’ initiative after graduating from England . He’s also one of Nigeria’s favourite Comedic influencers and he’s making a lot of waves at the moment. If you move in the Naija cool kids circle then you’ll probably be very familiar with Bollylomo, He’s what you’d describe as the life of the party, frequently seen at some point the most exclusive parties and events in town.But unlike others his influence cuts across culture and class, you’ll probably recognise him if you’re a frequent traveler on the Lagos BT where his show Battabox runs on the entertainment system. 

The self proclaimed ‘Broke upcoming celeb’ as his twitter bio says is probably the description you’d use for most of the celebs in Nigeria Lol but the upcoming part of the story seems to be gathering steam these days.
In the age of social media Bolly is a pioneer. For those who remember ‘KEEK’ one of the first ever popping social media platforms, Bolly was one of the first Nigerians to reach one million followers for his super funny and often X-rated ramblings. 


If you’re a frequent viewer of his snapchat (@BollyLomo) over the last 12months you’d probably have noticed a lot more snaps of #SetLife #BTS #Hosting and selfies with other industry big fish. In August last year Bolly signed to HYPEBUZZ the new agency representing some of Nigeria’s most creative talent Maraji, Lola Oj, Ms DSF and others and has been low key making waves with viral videos on social media and various radio and TV features. 
His first major feature film just dropped titled ‘Ojukokoro’ Bolly plays ‘The Greedy One’ in Bollys own words ‘I really enjoyed playing the character and can’t wait for all the supporters to see’ Bolly says. There’s a lot more to come from him this year and we’ll be looking closely to see what this star in the making does next.
                 Love,